8 Tips from experienced Christmas-er on how to healthily navigate the Christmas Season
Aside from our ProFiber meal replacement — which we know to probably be the EASIEST habit to implement during the Christmas season — lets look at other great possibilities to keep eyes focused on YOU during the holidays!
1) Yelling into pillow! Each yell burns two calories, so this is a secret calorie crusher. The average American yells only 307 times during the month of Christmas, making my mom 10 average Americans. Pump those numbers up folks, but do it into pillow, or suffer the effects of your child returning the favor to you years later. It’s your fault, like everything else, Mom!
2) Straight-arm hold baking dish with 10 lbs of whatever meat away from body. Why do we do this? Well, the answer is twofold. First, we KNOW that one distant aunt WILL disgrace a passed-down family recipe, and holding 10 pounds of flesh as far away as possible prevents those putrid smells from disrupting the peace in your nose. That’s not how you cook bird, Sheryl. Secondly, you know you’re never going to be happy with trivet placement, so get yourself accustomed to dish Twister by working your way up to the eventual 30 minutes you’ll spend moving food around pre-feast.
3) Add 20 minutes of sleep each night from now until Christmas, to make up for the negative hours you get on Christmas Eve. Parents, this is self-explanatory. Note: this will only account for 1/3 of the total hours you miss that night.
4) Stare at exercise equipment. This is great because it works on your focus, and brings about a zen-like awareness, an awareness that comes from knowing you won’t be using the equipment— in the physical sense — until those 3 days in January!
5) Lift healthy items in grocery store, from other people’s carts, right back onto the shelves, where that food belongs. It’s holiday season. How dare they. Let them know this is a direct assault on all things good.
6) Smash upper jaw and lower jaw together, in isometric hold. Do this for upwards of two hours, to simulate you holding your tongue in rage while that one family member is mouthing off after 2 beers.
7) Move furniture! You know you’re anxious about the setup of your home before guests arrive. How to prepare? Well, 3 months before Christmas, begin moving things around to get a feel for how the layout should look. Reading this in December?! Well, you’re done in, you might as well go fetal position in a corner, you neurotic hobgoblin! Remember, no matter how much time you spend cleaning up, your guests will never care or notice; unless it looks bad, in which case they will.
8) For the women who are tired of hearing their husbands talk about how “they’re going to start working out”: have them move the Christmas tree to various spots in the house for one hour on each Saturday of the month. Why? Even if you’ve figured out where you want it (you don’t, but still) this is exactly what the’ve been asking for, and you get to see them in pain. Bonus: How to make him enjoy it? After he’s finally moved the tree back to its original spot (haha) tell him that moving the tree around so much has made his chest and biceps look bigger (even if you don’t notice a change). You’re welcome for that one.
If you want to learn more about ProFiber, visit us at www.profiberfood.com. ProFiber is a once-a-day meal replacement designed to help people improve their gut health, and stay full for 5+ hours.